Is ‘okay’ enough?

As I said in a previous post, there are a lot of really great things about where I currently work, and a lot of less good things about it. The balance is pretty fine, and it’s making deciding what to do very difficult.

It really is a bit of a rollercoaster, and there have been times I’ve loved my job, and times I’ve been miserable. I’ve worked in a few different positions, and found at least one of them unbearable (luckily they moved me).

Recently, life at work has actually pretty good. My project is interesting, I know it really well, and I love my team. For me, my little team (there are eight of us) is what makes my job enjoyable at the moment. There are loads of amazing people at the company, but attitudes vary a lot, and the way colleagues treat you varies as well. My team is fantastic, we all get on well, and we look after each other and help each other. I also have quite a lot of responsibility, which I like, and a lot of freedom to work in ways that suit me.

That said, the past week has been an absolute horror – excessive stress, dealing with personnel issues, our entire team being shouted at by our CEO – it has not been the most fun of weeks.

In addition, I know that my current project won’t last forever, and my lovely teammates and I will go our separate ways to other projects. Maybe it will be just as interesting, and the team will be just as amazing, but sadly I doubt it. I helped out another team the other week and it was so dull I nearly cried. I can keep an open mind about this one, but from previous project and teams, I do think I’m very lucky at the moment.

My current project involves a lot of travel to China, and this in itself has both pros and cons. The main con is being away from home and my husband so much – my evening time isn’t my own really, as I can’t just do whatever I want (like gardening, for example). The jet lag also isn’t good and last year I felt like I was in a permanent state of exhaustion. However, I have been able to visit some amazing places when I’ve been there over a weekend, which I would never have done otherwise. It also breaks up the routine of being in the office – 2016 absolutely flew by.

Back in the office, people can treat other people very harshly and bluntly at work, and this is something I find difficult. It seems unnecessary to me, and it’s hard not to take it personally. These people are then very nice to you outside work, their in-work comments aren’t personal – but I find it difficult when people have two personas! There are also loads of strange rules, which I won’t go into, but they irritate me.

On the plus side it pays well – far better than I would ever earn counselling I would think – and I do have a mortgage to pay. We also get really good benefits – health insurance, random work events, team building weeks away – and they do contribute to a good working atmosphere.

The hours are generally good, but we tend to take on too much work then have a crazy rush to finish things, resulting in late nights and early mornings at times. I wouldn’t mind so much, except that it’s totally avoidable by setting realistic deadlines.

For a few weeks, I’ve been tempted to stay another year, but then this week was one of those where I just can’t wait to leave. The big thing that’s tipping the balance is my lack of passion and fulfilment from the role, even when it’s not unpleasant. I don’t love it, I’m not excited to go to work. Most of the time I’m also not miserable or dreading going to work, which definitely counts for something, but I don’t think it’s enough.

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